Will Not Take My Love Away
by skye3
Summary: He had lost everything - his wife, his career, his shot at wonderful life. And he partly blamed her for it. AU Meredith and Derek story. Title from a song by Matt Wertz.
1. Chapter 1

I Will Not Take My Love Away

Disclaimer: I don't own MerDer.

**A/N:I've been wanting to write this story for some time now. But I've been holding back because I know I won't be able to update very often. But the lack of MerDer in our lives right now drove me to finally write this down. I've promised myself that I'll update once a week (if people liked the story). So here's the first chapter. Tell me what you think. **

Meredith Grey tightened her grip on the handle of the heavy metal gate and shoved will all her strength. She managed to move if forward a few more inches. Widening her stance, she pushed again. Rain sprinkled her face and soaked her hair which she had tied into a messy ponytail that morning before she left the house.

Her foot slipped into an ankle-deep puddle, but she held unto the gate and kept herself from falling. Exasperated, she mourned the damage being done to her sneakers, they weren't much but they were her favorite. But that didn't stop her from struggling with the gate. What a time for her first visit to this property! Thunder rumbled overhead and lightning flashed across the dark clouds, as if taunting her. She glared at the sky and turned her attention back to the gate. She had to get it open so she could drive into the estate and find the trailer on it. Her ex-husband had inherited this land from his grandfather, and she'd been paying the taxes on it for the last six years to keep it from being claimed the state during Derek's absence, but she'd never intended to visit it – until last night.

Several minutes of fruitless effort passed. Meredith paused to rest, slumping against the gate. As she caught her breath, she cursed her small frame. She was so tired. At first she tried to blame it on the bad day and night she'd had. And she _was_ emotionally drained after reading her mother's letter and physically tired from a sleepless night. It always rained in Seattle but she had to be honest with herself and admit this was one of those times when nature thought it was nice to show her the limitations of her size.

Frowning, she lifted her head when she heard an unfamiliar sound. Glancing over her shoulder, she saw nothing but the rain-slick pavement she'd traveled earlier and the pine tress that towered on either side of the road. The sound intensified. She identified it then as a motor, and it was coming from the area in front of her, not behind. She clung to the god-forbidden gate, looking over it at a dirt road that disappeared about twenty yards beyond into the tress.

Suddenly, a mud-spattered hummer bust into the clearing. Stunned, Meredith stared at the vehicle as the driver slammed on the brakes, sending up a rain of muddy rainwater. But through the heavy rain and patches of fog, she could see with surprising clarity the man who vaulted out of the hummer. She didn't recognize the man who was stomping toward her but she did recognize the emotion rolling off him: fury, barely under control. His aggressive stride steady and sure despite the uneven ground and the mud sucking at his boots.

Meredith's gaze traveled up his body as he drew closer. She unconsciously regarded how perfectly fit he is. Exhaling unevenly, she took his strong features and the dark stubble that covered his chin and jaw.

Something deep inside her twisted unexpectedly. She blinked and focused on his lips. Although compress into s straight white line, they seemed familiar and had an erotic nature that deserved her exploration.

Meredith shuddered, surprised as she realized that she was responding to his physical prowess on an instinctively sensual level. She couldn't remember the last times she'd responded to a man – any man. Startled and a little embarrassed, she dragged her gaze higher. He was furious. Shock rippled through her the. The years and experiences he had endured changed him in ways she sensed went far deeper than his changed appearance. Meredith stared at him, her green eyes wide and her disbelief stopped her from moving.

Derek Shepherd paused on his side of the gate and glared at her.

"Get the hell out of my land and don't come back."

Her body jerked involuntarily as if physically assaulted by his words, yet her brain quickly dealt with the reality that the hot shot neurosurgeon she had married so long ago had become some rugged man who now felt at home in the middle of nowhere. The classy appearance he once worn had been scraped clean. Derek Shepherd looked exactly like what he'd become – an angry, forty-two-year-old ex-con who had gone to ground in the year since his release from federal prison.

He seemed so different from the man she'd once welcomed into her heart and body in the name of love. Although his parole officer had warned her, she didn't believe him when he insisted that wasn't the same. Now she wished she had listened to his warning and planned this visit with more care.

"Leave now, Meredith!" he shouted. "If you stay, I'll make you wish you hadn't."

Her hands fell to her sides. Deeply shaken, she searched for the right words to say after not seeing him for six years. She also struggled to find courage, amidst the feelings of regret and shame that filled her. She understood his anger, even knew that from his point of view it was a justified response to her unannounced arrival, but she felt sad. Desperately sad, because they'd both been victimized by a woman they'd trusted.

She drew in a steady breath. "I need to talk to you, Derek."

He scowled at her. "There's nothing left to say."

He started to turn away. She lunged forward, slamming her shoulder into the side of the gate as she snaked her arm through the gap she'd struggled to create. She tried to grab his hand, her fingers simply slid across the arm of his wet coat. He draw back as though repelled by her touch.

Meredith's heart sank at his response, feeling the tears sting her eyes. Withdrawing her arm, she straightened. She ignored the throbbing in her shoulder, and she consciously refused to cower in the face of his rage and distrust. Although nervous about his reaction to what she had to tell him, she also refused to allow him to intimidate her.

"Five minutes, Derek. That's all I need. It's important."

"I don't owe you five seconds."

"But I owe you," she countered firmly.

She endured Derek's angry gaze, and she comforted herself with the memory of a time when his eyes had been warm and caring when he looked at her with their look. But that was the past, she reminded herself. A past she still mourned as dead, for in could never be reclaimed.

The rain intensified to a heavy downpour. Thunder crashed deafeningly and lightning streaked across the sky. She flinched, chilled to the bone by the storm, but she held her ground, her face stubbornly lifted for Derek's inspection, her expression neutral.

She finally warned, "I'm not leaving until we talk. I can wait in my car until you're ready to hear what I have to say." She was prepared to wait for a long time. She'd stopped by the hospital this morning and told the chief of the situation and that she would be out of work for a while. Richard Webber, her god-father, had been very understanding.

He swore, the word so coarse that it shocked her. She couldn't recall a time when he'd used such crude language in front of her, or in front of anyone for that matter. He'd always been protective of her, the ultimate gentleman bent on safeguarding the love of his life.

Meredith tilted her chin higher, appearing defiant even though his close scrutiny intimidated her. But she promised herself that she would be strong and remain calm. For his sake, not her own.

"You've changed."

She heard the accusation in his voice. She shifted, but saw no sense in denying the obvious. She didn't need any reminders that they'd both been through their own personal versions of hell. "You're right," she conceded.

She searched his features, hoping for a hint that his anger with her might have eased a tiny bit in the minutes he'd spent studying her, but she found no softening in his demeanor. If anything, he looked angrier. She silently cursed the person responsible for the changes in Derek.

With a calm she didn't feel, Meredith remarked, "Events change people. I think we've both learned that lesson better than most people."

She realized by the expression on his face that he didn't' know what to make of her attitude or her behavior, so she waited for him to come to terms with both. Unless he cooperated, she wouldn't be able to tell him what she'd learned. She didn't intend to send the new evidence through mail to him or even offer it to the appropriate legal authorities.

She felt certain that Derek needed to fell – deserved to feel – that he was in control of his world again, even if it meant destroying the reputation of a dead woman. The information in her mother's letter could allow Derek to undo some damage done to his life and his career as one of the promising neurosurgeons in the country.

She watched him flick a contemptuous glance at her sports car. His expression told Meredith that he knew who'd given it to her and exactly what it symbolized. It was a wealthy mother's gift to her only child, a toy intended as a substitute for emotions never expressed and looseness never attained, despite a child's adoration of the self-absorbed woman she called her mother.

"That thing's useless out here. You'd never make it to the trailer."

"I'll walk if I have to," Meredith announced.

She felt Derek's fury, felt it vibrate through the rain and saw it in his cold gaze. She said nothing. Gripping her forearms with chilled fingers, Meredith simply drew on the patience she'd been forced to learn in the recent years and waited.

Derek suddenly jerked the gate open. He seized her by the arm and half walked, half dragged her in his wake. Although startled, Meredith didn't fight him. Neither did she fear him. She felt only regret that he'd been living in such a rage filled life. He didn't pause until he reached the hummer, even though she tripped more than once.

Yanking the door open, Derek ordered, "Get in. I'm not going to stand out here in a thunderstorm just to humor you. You'll say what you have to say, you'll leave, and you won't ever come back. Is that clear?"

She nodded, her dignity grazed. "Very clear."

Turning, she stiffly climbed into the hummer. As she settled on the seat, she stopped worrying about the mud on her shoes and jeans. The interior of the vehicle was already coated with the stuff.

Very cold despite the heat blasting up at her from the heater, Meredith rubbed her palms together. Derek joined her, running his hand though his now longer curls before starting the vehicle. His muscled were for defined and his features cold and hard. There were, Meredith had long ago realized, predatory creatures in prison, and she assumed that Derek had deliberately redesigned his appearance as a statement of his determination to thwart any attempts at physical dominance by other inmates. She felt sickened by the thought that he had to protect himself from that kind of perverse environment.

A muscle ticked in his clenched jaw. His hands were white-knuckled as he gripped the steering wheel. She ached inside for him, and she longed to relieve him of the tension that he felt, but she also ached a little for herself, because he refused to spare her even a glance before he jammed the hummer into gear and slammed his foot against the gas pedal.

The vehicle shot forward. Staring straight ahead, Meredith gripped the edges of her seat during the bone-rattling, teeth-jarring ride that followed. She tensed, her body instinctively preparing itself for disaster as they drove over the winding trail that passed for a road.

Derek muttered an angry word minutes later and slowed the hummer. Meredith sighed with relief as the trailer came into view. She earned a searing look of disdain from Derek before he retuned his attention into driving. The prospect of being alone with Derek in the trailer suddenly frightened her. Not because she feared that he might harm her physically, but because of the emotional vulnerability she still felt around him.

She reminded herself what she was here for. She knew in her heart that she couldn't fix what had happened to their marriage. But she was here to right a wrong. He slammed his foot against the brake pedal, and Meredith grabbed the dashboard with both hands. The vehicle slid forward several feet and came to a shuddering halt in front of the trailer.

Derek stalked into the trailer without a word or a backward glance. She followed him, then felt the hardness of his gaze as she stepped inside. Wrapping her arms around her waist, Meredith sat on the couch as she looked around the interior. It was small, but it was clean and she almost let out a smirk at that. He was always a neat freak. Maybe some things really never change.

He paused at the center of the trailer and shrugged free of his rain cost and tossed it the side rather forcefully. She lifted her surprise-filled eyes to his face, aware that her response to his rudeness showed in her face. He vibrated with hostility. She remembered how gentle and sophisticated he once was. She recalled how he had took hours making sure his hair was perfect and his face shaved clean. Gone now was his charismatic personality. Meredith didn't recognize or understand this Derek Shepherd.

His hard gaze showed his obvious distrust of her motives. Staring at him, she fought the emotion clogging her throat and blink back the tears that threatened to fall from her eyes. His silence wore on her nerves, but she brought herself under control and admitted, "I called the parole board. They gave me the name of your parole officer. He told me you were living out here. He said I shouldn't bother you."

"You should have listened to him. He knows how I feel about you."

"He called you, didn't he?"

"Does it matter?"

She exhaled, the sound a reflection of her unease. "Probably not, but you need to hear what I have to say."

His expression unreadable, he watched her for several minutes before he spoke. "Save your apologies, Meredith. I don't want anything from you, especially false sentiments you'll forget as soon as you leave. You were a treacherous bitch when I needed you six years ago, so I'm really very grateful that our life together is a part of the past. I've forgotten it, and I suggest you do the same."

His words scraped across her emotions like a serrated blade of a scalpel. She shot to her feet, color flooding her cheeks. "I haven't done anything wrong, so I'm not offering you an apology. And I didn't come here to talk about our marriage, because I know it's over. You made your feelings very clear when you divorced me. I also don't expect anything to change between us." Meredith squared her shoulders. "What I do expect is civility. I'm not the enemy, and you aren't the only one who was hurt by what happened six year ago."

Derek stabbed her with a killing glance and then began to stalk the interior of the trailer. Meredith kept a close eye on him as he paced the small space of the trailer. He reminded her of a caged animal wanting to be freed.

He finally approached her. She sidestepped him, then instantly regretted acting in such skittish manner. She felt a moment's relief when Derek ignored her, reached for the switch that turned that heater on.

Her eyes stayed fastened on him as he straightened and gazed out the window. She saw the angular line of his profile and that his jaws were clamped together. Meredith stopped breathing, mesmerized by his closeness. Holding perfectly still she waited for him to step away. But he didn't. Instead, he turned and peered down at her, his expression so jaded and suspicious that she couldn't think of anything to say. She'd never felt smaller or more vulnerable. Her heart raced beneath her ribs and she trembled as her own inner apprehension raced up her spine. But still she couldn't drag her eyes from him. She felt transfixed by the firm contours of his features, the pulse throbbing in his temple and the cynicism that marred the shape of his lips.

She couldn't help wondering what it would be like to touch him now, to feel the differences in his body with her fingertips, to experience once again his passionate nature, even though she sensed the extent of the risk to her emotions if she gave in to this impulse. Her sexual instincts, silent since his imprisonment, called out. She still wanted him.

_Don't touch me! _She nearly screamed when she saw the unexpected glitter of raw sexual need flare in the depths of his eyes. _Oh God, don't even think of using me, because I'd die if you dishonored the memory of what we once felt for each other._


	2. Chapter 2

Derek hated the hunger that ran through his entire being as he studied Meredith. He wanted her, craved her with every part of his body, but he knew better than to give in to his desire. He was sure that one taste of her, no matter how brief, could send him back into a storm of emotion from which there would be no escape.

Towering over her, he studied her with a relentless gaze. He battled with his need to discover if she still possessed the passion and gentleness he'd once found in her arms. A heartbeat later, Derek cursed his own curiosity. She had obviously changed but there's still a certain familiarity to her.

"I see you still like putting your hair up like that," he finally said, although he wondered why it even mattered to him.

Meredith blinked, but she didn't look away. Lifting her right hand she tucked a few lose strands of her hair behind her ear.

His palms and fingers suddenly tingled with the memory of what it felt like to touch her soft dirty blond hair when they made love. He always liked her hair – the way it smelled like lavender all the time and the way it felt in his fingers. He'd spend long hours playing with it.

Derek fought hard to dismiss the desire overcoming his senses. His expression grew more ruthless, but he ignored the startled look on Meredith's eyes as she watched him.

"Untie it."

She paled. "Derek…"

He ordered, "Do it. Now."

Derek watched her, an unreadable expression on his face. She reached up with trembling fingers, letting her hair loose. She allowed the rubber that once tied it encircle her wrist, unconsciously fumbling with it.

He moved closer. His senses taking in the magnificence of her hair. He closed his hands in to fists to keep from touching her as he moved closer. He could hear the erratic sound of her breathing. He saw fear in her eyes, and it was because of him. He caused it. But he told himself that he didn't care.

Derek raised his hands and drove his fingers into the dense fall of waves that grazed her shoulders. She flinched beneath his touch, but he cages her head between his hands and held her still. Kneading her scalp, his fingers trembled as the silky strands closed around his fingers. Cursing the new waves of warmth and desire that flowed hotly though his veins, his hold tightened. His mind berated him for touching her in the first place, but he also blames her for tempting him. He inhaled her fragrance. Lavender. The same seductive fragrance that had haunted his days and turned his nights into a living hell while trapped in his solitary cell.

He brought her closer, his narrow hips brushing against her lower abdomen as she stared up at him, wide-eyed and barely able to breathe. They were close to dangerous waters and she knew it.

"Derek.." she whispered a few seconds later. Her voice pleading for him to stop.

He froze, his attention captured by her gaze. Bottomless pools of emerald, her eyes were a revelation. He saw all manner of emotions that he didn't really want to see. He'd always had the ability to know her thoughts just by looking into her eyes. And with this view came a flood of memories, sensual memories that are too painful to recall because of the sense of loss that came along with them.

Derek knew in his gut that she was remembering too – remembering what it had felt like when he'd had his hands on her naked body, rousing her senses to fever pitch, seducing her heart and soul, tantalizing her emotions. He shuddered as he recalled the glorious feeling of sinking into her body, slowly being claimed by her even as he claimed her as his own.

He felt her tremble, saw her eyes flutter close. He wondered absently if she felt compelled to hide from him. He refused to allow her that opportunity. His fingers tightened and then twisted. Meredith sucked in a ragged breath. He slid his hands free of her hair, down her slender neck, and then curved them over shoulders. His fingers spasmed, digging into her. She trembled but didn't make a sound. Then slowly, she opened her eyes. Anger flooded his mind and senses because he couldn't bring himself to stop wanting her. His fingers dug deeper into her shoulders.

"Derek.." she flinched, finally trying to free herself.

Immediately, he heard an inner voice of shame call out to him. He knew that she bruised easily. Reluctantly, he eased his grip on her.

"Hurting me won't change what happened between us." Meredith said as she moved away.

"You cut it," he accused, ignoring her attempt to talk about the matter at hand.

"Yes." She answered, turning her head looking beyond him.

Derek winced as her silky hair trailed over the top of his hands. "Why?"

"It's easier to manage this way," she squared her shoulders as she brought her gaze back to his face. "Hurting each other with careless words won't accomplish anything, either."

"How do you know that?"

"It's not in you to be cruel."

"You don't know me anymore. I've changed."

"I do know you." She insisted. "I've grown. I'm strong enough to handle your anger, Derek. I don't avoid….I don't run anymore. I'll do whatever it takes for you to listen to what I have to say."

His expression turned to stone. He muttered a foul word. But Meredith seemed unfazed by his rough behaviors.

"How do you know anything about me or my anger?"

She shrugged, looking far more calm than he wanted her to feel. "I asked. Your parole officer answered most of my questions."

Feeling betrayed again, he jerked free of her and resumed his restless pacing. Meredith sat at the edge of sofa, simply watching him. Several minutes passed with only the sound of his footsteps and the rain surrounding them.

"Will you listen to me now?"

He kept walking, conscious that he'd adopted the habit of pacing during his first months in prison in order to cope with the anxiety of being confined in a windowless, shoe box-shaped cell. "Why should I?"

"You brought me this far, and I don't think it was because you thought that I'd melt if I got rained on." She paused, and then added in a wistful sounding voice, "I've been rained on before, Derek."

He stopped abruptly, his hands fisting at his sides. He didn't need to know that she was remembering an incident from their honeymoon. His heart twisted painfully in his chest.

They couldn't keep their hands off each other that they weren't able to wait until they returned to the privacy of their hotel room in Napa Valley. They had found a deserted glade on a back road not far from a well-known vineyard, hurriedly parked their car and spread a blanket in the waist high grass. They satisfied their hunger for each other with an explosive joining of bodies and hearts in the middle of the summer rainstorm that had poured on them within moments of shedding their clothes.

Derek moved forward, trying very hard to keep his emotions at bay. "Talk, Meredith, and then get the hell out of here."

She gripped at the cushions. "My mother lied when she testified against you."

"Tell me something I don't already know."

"She switched the scans – the evidence that got you indicated."

Derek paused, the muscles in his body rippling with tension at the mention of his ex-mother-in-law. "Old news. Let's go. I'll take you back to your car."

"Mom…" she swallowed. "She let you go down for a mistake she committed herself, Derek. She wrote her confession before she died. I have it with me."

Ellis Grey made a choice that at that time seemed like the best option for the parties involved. He had been kept in the dark the whole time. But nobody believed him, not when the great Ellis Grey herself washed her hands off the matter and came forth with very convincing evidence. Not his attorney. Not the jury. Not even his own wife. "You're six years too late, so just forget it."

"It's not too late!" she cried as she jumped to her feet. "You could have your life back. You could have your career back. I'll..."

"You'll what?" he snapped, pinning her into place with a hard look. He watched her stumble into a halt halfway between the couch and his position near the door. "What will you do this time, Meredith?" he taunted. "Believe in me? Support me? Or will you defend me the way you did before?"

"I'll help you," she promised. "You deserve to have your life back the way it was."

"Right," he laughed, the sound totally lacking any real humor.

Meredith sighed. "I don't get your attitude. This could change everything for you. People will finally believe that you didn't...."

"Didn't what?"

"…kill the patient," she mumbled.

"Do you honestly think that my life will ever be the same? Or that _I'll_ ever be the same?

Grow up, Meredith. It's past time. You're thirty five, so act like it. You can't be Mommy's little girl for the rest of your life."

She took as step forward, then another. "My mother is dead, and I was never her little girl! You know that. I was an inconvenience to her after my father left. I was ignored when I was away at school. She only recognized only after she assured herself that I wouldn't embarrass her in front of her colleagues." She took a steadying breath. "My mother isn't even the issue here. You're the issue, Derek. You deserve to practice medicine again. You'd be able to if we can get you conviction overturned. You can be a surgeon and save lives again once we prove the truth."

He concealed the shock he felt. She'd changed in more ways than he'd thought, but he still couldn't forgive her betrayal and abandonment. He doubted he ever would.

"And then I can live happily ever after," he said sarcastically. "Going back to court won't accomplish anything now, so can you please leave the hell alone?"

"Derek…"

"What?" he yelled, anger rising again.

"Give me a chance to help you, please. I know it will be hard but I'm willing to work with you every step of the way. What better way to use the money my mother left me that to hire the best lawyer out there for your case?"

He lifted his hand and ran it through his waves. The pain throbbing in his head came from the frustration of going over the past he couldn't change. He needed to shut out the world. He needed to stop the crazy urge to escape by burying himself in the depths of Meredith's body for a few short hours. But he couldn't. If anything, he felt less in control as the seconds pass.

He knew only one thing: He had to get Meredith out of the trailer and off his land. For both their sakes, she needed to stay as far away from him as possible. He finally looked at her. "I don't want you here."

"What my mother did to you, and to us, was wrong."

"A lot of things are wrong. Starting with you."

She reached out with both hands, grasping at one of his wrists. "Derek…" her eyes pleaded with him. But he wasn't going to give in to her. He had no intention of forgiving her and he sure as hell wasn't willing to give her the penance she seemed to be seeking.

Derek gave her a scornful look and shoved past her. He stood with his back to her. He already knew that he couldn't have his life back, just as he has accepted that he will never get the justice that is due to him.

Justice had failed him during his years in prison, despite one appeal after the other. Having to live within the confines of what can only be described as hell on earth, he came to believe in one simple concept: Survival.

"I want to help you," she said as she slowly made her way to him.

Derek stared at the rain outside. "My reputation and my career are gone, and no one can give them back to me, Meredith. No one."

"What about the future?"

"What future?" he demanded, his voice harsh. "I don't have one, thanks to you and your mother."

"You have every right to hate us," she conceded.

He nearly choked on the need for revenge. "You owe me. One way or another, you'll pay."

"If you think I should pay for my mother's actions, whether you believe it or not, I have paid. I'm still paying, Derek." She exhaled softly, the sound filled with pain and exhaustion. "Please don't let you hate keep you from looking at the new evidence."

He didn't bother to turn around, but the sound of her voice and the scent of her warned him that she was close, very close. He tried to keep his feelings concealed, and as he kept his hunger for her, his bitterness slipped past the barriers he'd constructed around his emotions. "You should have cared enough to help me when it would have counted for something. You're too late."

She placed her hand on his shoulder, her fingers curving gently over the worn fabric that covered his warm skin. He felt he touch right down to his broken soul.

"I just discovered the truth yesterday. I was cleaning out her office, boxing books and journals that he'd donated to Washington U. Derek, her confession could change your life."

He shrugged free of her hand, still fighting memories of them together and the urge he felt to relearn her and kiss her as he turned on her. "You should have _known_ I was innocent."

"I've always believed that you were innocent, but….but there were things happening back then, things I never had the change to tell you," she finished in a whisper.

Renewed anger burst to life inside of him, adding to his determination to get her out of his life once and for all. "Get the hell out," he said in a low, lethal tone, "and take you so-called evidence with you."

He watched her shoulders slump before she turned away from him. "I'll leave the letter." She made her way across the room. "Read it when you're ready. If you want my help, you have it."

Forcing himself not the move, he counted her footsteps to keep himself from grabbing her and telling her how much he missed her and carrying her off to his bed. She paused beside the small coffee table and tugged a letter out of her shoulder bag.

She smoothes her sharing fingers over the envelope and placed it on the table and went to the door. Without looking back, she said, "I didn't have time to make a copy, so be careful with it."

"Meredith…." He meant to tell her to never come back ever again, but his voice held something else, something he didn't want to believe, something he feared she might have heard too.

Meredith fought hard to keep her tears at bay. "Take care of yourself," she urged, speaking so softly that he strained to hear her. "I'm sorry my mother was such a horrible person." With that, she walked to the door and stepped out into the rain.

**A/N: I am infinitely sorry for not updating this in….forever. There's no other reason than me being stuck. See, when I started this story, I just knew that Derek was jailed because of Ellis. But I didn't have the details of it. Yes, I know, way to go me. Haha! Anyway, I now have it all mapped out. So barring any more bumps, I should be about to continue with this story. **

**Thank you for reading. Comments are appreciated.**


	3. Chapter 3

Despite the storm, Meredith dashed out of the trailer and across the clearing. Instinct and the compelling urge to escape Derek's contempt, anger and pain guided her unto the walk trail. She hugged her bag to her chest as she ran, her emotions shattered, her thoughts so scattered that she couldn't focus on anything but her need to be alone and nurse her wounds in private.

Slipping and stumbling, she made her way along the bumpy trail. She willed herself to keep moving and get the hell out of this place. But she knew, in the back of her hazy mind, that no amount of running will keep her away from the truth.

The simple, painful truth that she still loved Derek, despite the years they'd spent apart, the divorce he'd initiated, or how much prison had changed him. She would always love him. And she owed him. No one else had the power to make amends for the injustice inflicted upon him by her mother.

It was difficult to see with the heavy rain and fog and all these thoughts had her distracted, and the next thing she knew she was propelling to the ground. She used her arms to break the fall and cried out in pain as she hit the mud. She sat up and contemplated the gashes on both her arms. Tears of frustration filled her eyes, blurring her vision, but she blinked them back.

Another cry of paid escaped her lips as she tried to stand up. She must have stepped on a rock or something and sprained her left ankle. It wasn't as bad but it hurt like hell. Everything hurt like hell.

-0-

After Derek watched Meredith disappear into the fog, he lost track of time as he stood on the doorway of the trailer, his thoughts on the past, his gaze blank and his emotions all over the place.

A loud clap of thunder and a blinding flash of lightning put a halt on the memories of the life he'd once shared with Meredith that were running inside his head. Derek looked around the deserted trailer. Meredith was making her way alone and on foot the front gate of his in this vicious storm!

Derek swore, full of self-loathing. He grabbed a flashlight and ran out. Her continued presence posed a threat to his emotions, but, Derek knew, but he could not bare the thought of Meredith being hurt out there.

_Please be safe. Please be safe._ He kept repeating the words in his mind as he ran as fast as he could. It was the closest thing to a prayer he'd managed in years. But she was nowhere to be found. And he could barely see in the darkness of the storm. The flashlight in his hand was useless. _Maybe she's already made it to the gate._ He thought, stopping to catch his breath.

Suddenly Derek heard a cry. He dashed in the direction of the sound. Panic washed though him as he spotted her sitting in a puddle.

"Meredith!" he shouted.

-0-

Meredith froze, stunned because she thought she's just heard Derek's voice. Her common sense kicked in and insisted that she'd just imagined the sound. _If I stay out here a little while longer I'll freeze to death._ She made a move to try to stand once again.

"Meredith!"

She yelped at the sound of his voice. She lifter her head, "You're here," she said, her teeth chattering. She barely managed to stop the overpowering urge to reach out and touch him.

He nodded. Then his expression hardened as he reached down to touch the gash on the side of her forehead. Meredith winced. She hadn't realized that she'd hurt her head. Derek bent down and hooked an arm under her legs and the other moved to support her back.

"What are you doing!" Meredith jerked at his touch.

"I'm getting you back to the trailer." He said, reclaiming his hold on her and moved to stand up.

"No," she jerked free of him. "You don't need to carry me. Just help me up, I can walk."

"Damn it, Meredith! You can't walk on that foot! You're inches away from having a bad case of hypothermia! The fastest way to get out of here is to let me carry you!" Derek berated before he seized her and swung her up into his arms.

She looped her arms around his shoulders and pressed her face against the space that joined his neck and shoulders. Too drained to fight Derek any longer, Meredith huddled against his chest as he carried her back to the trailer.

"How do you feel?" he asked after a few steps. They were at least a kilometer away from the trailer.

"All right. Just cold," she admitted.

When they finally made it to the trailer, Derek kicked the door open and carried her shivering form straight into the bathroom. She didn't have the strength to stop him as he held her upright with one hand then turned on the shower. As he stripped her of her soggy, mud-stained clothing, she could only focus on how disturbingly impersonal his touch was.

He guided her into the shower stall and positioned her below the flow of warm water. "Stay put," he ordered sharply. "I'll be right back," he said then yanked the shower curtain closed.

Meredith slid down the tiled wall, to weak to stay on her feet. She felt like she just did back to back marathon shifts in the hospital and then some. Raising her knees to her chest, she wrapped her arms around herself and bowed her head, exhaustion claiming her as the water cascaded across her body. She lost track of time as she sat there, and she welcomed the soothing sensation of the warm water enveloping her. She gasped when she suddenly felt strong hands trying to lift her to her feet.

"What the hell are you doing?"

She opened her eyes and glared at Derek, her temper flaring for the first time that day. "I'm tired, so leave me the hell alone." She felt him measure her anger with a steady, emotionless gaze, and she hated him for being on control. Suddenly recalling her nakedness, she folded her arms across her breasts. "I can take care of myself, Derek. I don't need you."

He chuckled, the sound bearing no humor whatsoever. "I guess you'll live, but you're still inches away from having hypothermia." He kept his eyes fastened on her face as he removed his shoes.

Her dignity hanging by a thread, she backed up against the tiled shower wall. "I don't want you company, and I don't need you help."

"You don't have a choice." Although still clad in his rain soaked shirt and jeans, he stepped into the shower, closing the curtain behind him. "You're filthy, and this is the only way to get you clean and warm at the same time."

"Get out," she yelled, but he ignored her.

"How badly did you sprain your ankle?" he asked as he reached up and turn the heater up as far as it can go, but it's still not enough.

"Not that bad. Now please get out of here."

"I've seen you naked before. Would you feel better if I remove my clothes?" He fingers moved to unbutton his jeans.

"You're being cruel."

"For your sake, I'm being practical," he countered tersely.

Meredith turned her back to him and pressed her forehead against the shower wall. "Leave me alone," she begged, her voice breaking with emotions she could no longer contain or control.

"I can't, Mer. I just can't."


End file.
